The Epic Cookie!!!!
There was once a guy who made the most awesome and epic cookie in the multiverse. It was so delicious that when his family tasted it they almost died. He eventually became famous in his neighborhood. Then it hit him: he could make money off this. But he didn't know how. Luckily he was a techno-geek and he downloaded his consciousness into his computer and hacked into a nearby factory's system.
He ran some programs and added cursors as his minions. Then he downloaded his cookie's consciousness(yes it has a consciousness) into his computer and had his cursor minions click it for him. To his amazement every time one of the cursors clicked the computer's cookie it made a real cookie that he could sell. Then he hacked into the system and got an upgrade for his cursors, but it cost actual cookies for some reason. Who invented this thing? Anyway, he realized if he clicked the cookie himself he would get even more cookies in real-life.
And then he had enough cookies to hire some grandmas to bake more cookies. So he bought them a nice kitchen to work in.
And then he had enough cookies to hire a few farmers to grow cookie dough plants and chocolate chip trees for cookie making. So he bought 37 acres of farmland to grow their crops in, which was very successful.
And then he had enough cookies to build some factories to mass-produce cookies for him. So he built a big chain of factories for workers to well, work for him.
And then he had enough cookies to buy a mine and hire miners for him to mine cookies out of the ground. He bought a bunch of land for miners to mine in.
And then he had enough cookies to hire spaceships to go to the cookie planet and get cookies for him. These shipments were costly, so he bought a ton of upgrades to help him get more cookies.
Then, when he had enough cookies to buy an alchemy lab where alchemists turn gold into milk chocolate and silver into white chocolate, he found a golden cookie. His magical cookie scientists told him it was a special rare type of cookie that grant its finders magical cookie blessings. So he got 7,500 extra free cookies when he bit into it. It tasted like heaven and pure goodness had a baby that was sweeter than sugar and was so magical that his head blew up. Good thing he's in the computer now.
So then he also created a portal to the Cookieverse to send people to get cookies for him.
Then he had enough cookies to invent to world's first time machine where people went back in time and stole cookies from innocent people(mainly babies).
And then he had enough cookies to invent the antimatter condenser: a mechanical contraption that turns raw antimatter into cookies. He built many of them.
And then he had enough cookies to invent the prism: a crystalline formation that refracts light into cookies. He built many, many of them.
He then had enough cookies to buy a ton of upgrades. These included strange upgrades that affected his grandmas.
Some of the grandmas turned into farmers, others factory workers, and now I'm just going to make a list of a all of them because there are a lot: miners, strange cosmic aliens, horrific altered grandmas, golden transmuted grandma statues, the incredibly old grandmas' grandmas, mean distorted antigrandmas, and sparkly rainbow grandmas.
And then he had the option to buy a strange upgrade he had never seen. He could buy a research lab/bingo center for grandma scientists to work in. Over time he unlocked dark, secret upgrades that he could buy.
Then one day he got the option to buy a weird upgrade he had never heard of before. It was called "One Mind". So he bought it. Then something incredible and horrifying happened: he had awoken the Grandmatriarchs. A pantheon of evil, primordial grandma gods that have the power to control elderly woman. After that the grandmas started to work more efficiently.
So he bought another upgrade: Communal Brainsweep. The Grandmatriarchs became demonic in appearance. All of his grandmas also became demonic, yet they worked even better now.
Eventually his greed drove him to buy another upgrade: Elder Pact. Then to his horror the Grandmatriarchs turned into huge flesh creatures. All grandmas around the world turned into fleshy beasts just like their gods. The flesh spread everywhere, and it looked like the world was going to end. This event was dubbed the "Grandmapacolypse". His grandmas also turned into strange flesh creatures, yet they were never more efficient. Then the Grandmatriarchs released the Wrinklers: terrifying leech-like creatures that feed on cookies. When he clicked on a Wrinkler 3 times it exploded, and he got all the cookies it ate back.
Just to make matters worse, golden cookies were turned into wrath cookies. His scientists said wrath (or red) cookies are forgotten cookies that were tainted by the Grandmatriarchs' dark powers. He found three wrath cookies. They tasted like poop and pig liver had a baby that tasted a little like blood sausage. The first one cast a spell called Clot, where cookie production decreases by 66 times. The second one cast Ruin: lose 2,000,000,000 cookies. The third one was a miracle. It cast Elder Frenzy: cookie production times 666 for 6 seconds.
He finally unlocked an upgrade called Elder Covenant: end the Grandmatriarchs and the Grandmapocolypse for good, at the cost of 5% of his cookies per second. He reluctantly bought it, and the Grandmatriarchs were banished to the Nether Realm. He had just saved the world in the name of cookies.
After a while he found another golden cookie. It cast a spell called Clicking Frenzy: cookie production times 7 for 77 seconds.
After a while, the guy thought his business was getting unpopular, which he had to change. He realized his only cookies, chocolate chip, were getting boring. So he invented other kinds of cookie that also had his magical cookie touch. In other words he made different kinds of cookie that had that awesome taste he got famous for. If you wish to see them, go to the Cookie Inc. Product List. At this time the guy was really famous and rich, money-wise and cookie-wise.
He realized that people like to dunk cookies in milk. So he created special kinds of milk for his company to sell. Again, if you wish to see them, go to the Cookie Inc. Product List. He was now a cookie, money, and milk millionaire.
All this milk attracted a lot of cats. He bought them from a really big pet adoption store and put them to work, but for pay they received milk. There were kitten helpers, kitten workers, kitten engineers(they're smarter than you think),bossy (and mean) kitten overseers, and the all-powerful kitten managers.
By now literally everything on earth had tasted his cookies. Except for one guy. The elusive Santa Claus. One day on the news it said that Santa had died. Everyone was devastated, especially the guy. He could not bear the thought that somebody had not eaten his cookies! So he created the Festive Test Tube. It had the last bit of Santa's DNA in it. He spent cookies on research on how to turn that test tube into Santa again. He eventually found out that he had to pay cookies to to upgrade the Festive Test Tube. He upgraded it into the the Festive Ornament. Then the Festive Wreath. After that the Festive Tree. And after that the Festive Present. After that he finally got what he wanted: the Festive Elf Fetus. Now I'm going to make a list of the other grades because I'm lazy: the Elf Toddler, the Elfling, the Young Elf, the Bulky Elf, then Nick, and finally he got Santa Claus. Santa was so thankful he started making Santa's famous milk and cookies. Then the guy accidentally upgraded Santa into Elder Santa. Elder Santa made even more cookies, though. So he upgraded him again. He turned into the freaky True Santa. He upgraded again and it turned into Final Claus, a horrifying eye monster. He was so powerful now and so thankful he gave the guy the Festive Biscuit, a really special Christmas cookie. So ummmm, yeah that's why Santa doesn't give you presents anymore kids. Then, when the guy was waiting around a reindeer flew across the screen. He clicked it and he got extra cookies and the ingredients and directions to make a special Christmas themed cookie. After clicking a lot of reindeer, he created all of the special Christmas cookies. Again, if you wish to see them go to the product list.
After a while it was Valentine’s Day. The second it turned into Valentine’s Day he found a heart cookie that said on it “Your face is okay”. The guy was very pleased and bit into it. He realized that this was a golden cookie in Valentine’s Day form. He also got the recipe for a heart-shaped cookie called a “Lovesick Biscuit”. He made a batch and when he bit into one he suddenly felt love at his own cookie. The guy broke free of that spell (because he’s really cool and strong) and realized he could use this to his advantage. He made another batch with a slightly tweaked recipe, so that now when people ate those cookies they fell in love with his cookies (he is also very greedy). After another while (this is getting repetitive, isn’t it) he found the recipe for 6 other Valentine’s Day cookies. And for one more time, if you wish to see them go see the Cookie Inc. Product List.
After another long, boring, repetitive, while (don’t even get me started on Business Day during April Fool’s Day) it was Halloween. On Halloween, thirteen seconds before midnight, he bit into a strange, Scary Cookie" he found in some lonely kid's candy bag (yeah that's right he steals candy from innocent children, you got a problem with that?). It gave him extra cookies and, as you may have guessed, the recipe for another cookie, called the "Spooky Biscuit". When people bite into them, they suddenly feel like going trick-or-treating....but, only for cookies. At the time the guy accidentally bought a researched upgrade "Revoke Elder Covenant". The Grandmatriarchs returned to this world and began feeding and sending out Wrinklers once more. Scared to death (almost) he popped the Wrinklers, but he also got secret recipes to Halloween cookies when he popped them. After a while he got all of them.
Then around after half a year later it was Easter. The guy found a golden bunny and ate it. It's a delicacy in China. Don't judge me! Anyway the Wrinklers were still eating away at his cookies. So he popped them. He got a recipe for a egg-cookie thing. People loved hiding them and doing cookie Easter egg hunts. Except the cookies kinda got dirty from being hid in bushes and stuff. People still ate them though. Some bees created a hive in one guy's body. It was incredibly disturbing. The guy thought he got all of the special egg cookies, but he found a golden geese egg! He found even better, rarer cookie-egg recipes and made them. It was a great hit! Then he noticed that some of his grandmas were wearing Easter Bunny costumes. Except they weren't costumes! Some of his grandmas had turned into Bunny Grandmas. They were nice. They helped like the other grandmas, but they were payed in the fine currency of carrots.
Remember when I told you not to get me started on Business Day. I figured I'd tell since I've already told you everything else. It was April Fool's Day. The guy pranked the other cookie execs. Then he went home and found himself pranked. There was a little note next to it that read:
Dear Mr. <classified data>,
Hope you enjoy your little gift!
-The Grandmatriarchs
P.S. It'll wear off in a few days.
Well for now the guy had to deal with this " Business Day" as it was called. It was to totally wack yo! All of his buildings turned into business stuff to promote. It was really weird. And golden cookies turned into contracts. That's right. He ate contracts. You got a problem with that? Don't judge him! Anyway, it was really annoying. Here's a list:
Cursor = Rolling Pin
Grandma = Oven
Farm = Kitchen
Factory = Factory ( that one didn't change.)
Mine = Secret Recipe
Shipment = Supermarket
Alchemy Lab = Stock Share
Portal = TV Show(It's really popular. It's had six seasons so far.)
Time Machine = Theme Park
Antimatter Condenser = CookieCoin
Prism = Corporate Country
So, ummmmm. It was really annoying. There was one good thing though. He did get one more cookie recipe. It was called the Fool's Biscuit. It makes people idiots that want to buy more cookies. Yeah.
Now the guy was the richest guy in the world. He sadly accidentally clicked the reset button. He was back to square one now. Accept for one thing. Heavenly Chips. He had unlocked 1% of his Heavenly Chips' potential. He got famous again and reset again. After many, many, many years of hard work he unlocked special cookie recipes and special upgrades that unlocked more potential of the Heavenly Chips. Then he bought the upgrade Heavenly Key. Aaaaaaaoooooogh. He had unlocked the full potential of his Heavenly Chips. But he only had 999,999,999,999. He used his time machine to make an infintillion (yes that's a number!) more Heavenly Chips. Then he went back to the present. He was now literally and officially the awesomest, sickest, best, coolest person in the multiverse in the history of everything. Pretty cool isn't it.